Dealing with Drunks

[Read Time < 6 Minutes]

I’ll be writing several issues on “dealing with” the many, many different personalities you find at a wedding. Of course, there are the brides, bridesmaids, grooms, and groomsmen - those are the obvious and important ones.

You also have dads, moms, stepdads, stepmoms, cousins, aunts, uncles, best friends, and people who think they are best friends - you get the picture I’m painting here, right?

Everyone is special, and it takes something special to know how to “deal with” everyone.

This might sound like an odd one, but trust me, it's a real one.

Weddings are a party. Alcohol gets served at parties. People drink too much at parties so eventually, you will be faced with this situation.

If you're a female, which I am not, you’ll have a different degree of issues I cannot speak confidently on. Though I have been hit on by guys before, I can't imagine dealing with this on a regular basis.

I'm sure you've been trained in one form or another to be tactful yet tough, but I'll just offer the same advice I'd give to the male photographers but with a different emphasis.

Keep your head and don't take anything personally.

This might not be easy, and you will experience a rainbow of unpleasantries like shock, insult, or verbal abuse, but unless it falls into the category of something physical or dangerous, try to remember that free alcohol is powerful in the hands of some people (I’m so proud of myself for not calling these people idiots).

On the other side, though I'm not a lawyer or law enforcement officer, I will say if you ever feel threatened or in danger, seek out one of the dads and let them know immediately (hopefully, it’s not one of the dads you’re in danger of).

Weddings do not typically come with security so family members are the highest folks on the food chain of responsibility. I wish I could offer more.

OK, for the fellas, you have two things to look out for.

The first is the delightful ladies who have consumed too many sparkling spirits and find themselves attracted to a man in uniform…or a man holding a camera.

The first time this happens, you’ll probably feel flattered. Fine, feel flattered, then flee.

There’s absolutely no good that can come from you getting cozy with ANY wedding guest.

Be polite, of course. Be charming, if you must, but DO NOT ENGAGE in any way. Period.

The second problem is more common, and sadly, you'll have to deal with the same guys that will plague our female photographers...only for a different reason.

Dopey dudes who can't handle their alcohol are not uncommon at weddings. The best course of action is to avoid them altogether. If you want to have a little fun and get some great photos of them displaying their plastered prowess for your portfolio, you have my permission (the couple will love it, too).

Alas, sometimes, trouble finds you, especially when you have to be a little bold or assertive at certain times of the night. The most common is at the end of the fiesta when you have to round everyone for the farewell. You can read more about that full process HERE.

When the couple is ready to head off for the evening, and it's time for the big farewell, it's typically your job to gather folks up for the big send-off of the newlyweds.

Time is usually a factor because when the couple is ready to go, they’re pretty much ready to go. At the same time, the event staff are ready to get their work started by cleaning the room, and the band or DJ is anxious to pack up their gear and head home themselves.

Do your best to be polite yet firm and herd the folks to the door, where they often are handed incendiary sticks to wave at the departing couple (such a good idea!).

As you begin the wrangling process, it is all too common for at least a couple of party people to not want the night to end. But, as the saying goes, "You don't have to go home, you just can't stay here."

If (when) you are confronted by someone who doesn't take a shine to you shutting down the party (of course, it's your fault), please take the same advice I gave the female photographers.

Keep your head and don't take anything personally.

Because you're more than likely not nearly as attractive as your female counterpart, you should expect to receive significantly less wooing vibes and a bit more, "Hey, Bro, stop telling me what to do!"

Just keep your head, smile, and keep things moving toward the door. Try to ignore the problem child and stay on task. You’re still the photographer, you still have a job to do, and you’re a professional, so act like it.

I'm sure any good defense instructor will tell you - Don't square up to an aggressor and don't make unnecessary eye contact. Preferably, look for a less drunk friend or girlfriend to ally with. That usually helps.

In the unfortunate event that things do escalate, follow these three simple rules:

1. Keep your head.

2. Be gracious and slowly back things down.

3. Apologize (yes, even if it’s not your fault things got heated).

A dad or uncle is a good person to bring in at this point. Family members are typically not the problem, so bringing family in is a solid play.

DO NOT ENGAGE in any way, and (this one is tough for me) DO NOT toss in a flippant yet funny verbal jab that might throw fuel on the fire.

Being clever, playful, and assertive all at the same time is not a novice-level move, but you always need to be a professional.

Regardless of whether you're a male or female, remember, this one wayward wedding guest is NOT worth your energy and certainly NOT worth damaging your reputation.

Pull out your best Elsa attitude and let it go.

Don't ever forget that people are always watching you. How you handle challenging situations can be a big factor to a potential referral considering you for their wedding.

There will be exponentially more amazing weddings without hooch-filled hooligans, so don’t worry too much about this…just be prepared.

Handle things well, and you’ll be rewarded. At one wedding, I was approached by a guest I’d seen at someone else’s wedding and received a very kind apology from them for their behavior at the previous event. I’m not sure how in the world they remembered, but I appreciated the act and am grateful I didn’t let my bravado get the best of me.

Here’s one more for the road.

Remember - Keep your head and don't take anything personally.

Dealing with challenging people is one small part of the "inner game of wedding photography. THIS is what I write about each week in this newsletter.

If you want to be notified each Sunday morning when the new issue is posted, pop your email in and subscribe for free.

If you're interested in becoming a wedding photographer but don't know where to start, I can help.

Shoot me an email at [email protected]