How To Avoid Bridezilla

[Read Time < 5 minutes]

Photographing a wedding is challenging enough. Adding extra drama on top is close to punishment, and few things are more punishing than working with a genuine "Bridezilla."

In Issue #18, I talked about what turns a perfectly lovely young bride into the legendary wedding creature known as Bridezilla. (Read that issue here).

Knowing how to deal with her is great, but how do you screen her in advance and avoid that pressure altogether?

Well, I have good news and bad news.

First, the bad news - Early in your wedding photography career, you may be unable to avoid Bridezilla.

This is unfortunate but also necessary for building a successful business. When you're starting out, it's important to "get your reps in."

You need to shoot weddings and get comfortable with shooting weddings. You don't have the luxury to be choosey about the weddings you shoot and the brides you shoot them for when you're getting your reps.

Of course, everyone wants that perfect bride - beautiful and kind, loving everything and everyone she comes in contact with - imagine Disney's original ANIMATED Snow White only in a wedding dress. Reality isn't always that easy.

Now, the good news. Once you feel like you've established yourself, shot a few weddings and are ready to make this a serious career, it's time to start setting some boundaries for yourself and your business.

Priority #1 - Hire the people you like and will feel the most comfortable around.

I cannot emphasize more how important this is.

Look at it this way - You do your best work when you’re comfortable, right? And if you’re not comfortable, you won’t do your best. You don’t need to be reminded how important and stressful this day already is.

Would you want to spend the entire day hanging out with AND SERVING someone you didn't like and didn’t feel comfortable with?

My answer is a resounding NOPE, and I hope yours is too.

This is why it’s so important to meet with your couple before booking them.

Yes, this meeting is about showing off your work, but it’s also about the bride getting to know what you're like (you're awesome), and you getting to know what they're like (this is what you’re going to find out).

Consider this a creative job interview, and you get to decide who you want to work for.

For starters, if you go into the wedding meeting with this mindset, you will feel massively empowered, which is great for your confidence and selling ability.

This meeting is your opportunity to ask questions and learn what's important to the bride (Hint: if she doesn't mention her soon-to-be husband, that's a red flag). Of course, the bride cares about the details, but if you hear things like, "I want this to happen, and I want that to happen," there might be unrealistic expectations (another red flag). These expectations are the things that can set you up for failure.

This is a wedding day, after all, and with so many moving parts, it's not common for something to go wrong. If you sense this bride won’t be able to handle something going wrong, that’s another sizable red flag.

You want to look for a bride who cares about what this day means more than what it’s supposed to look like.

I know that may be a lot to ask, but your job is also to ask questions.

Ideally, you want a bride who cares about you, your creativity and preserving the great things that will happen throughout the day, not demanding something that could realistically be out of your control.

Rain is tough to control. Wind is impossible to control, and when the sun goes down, it's not coming back up for a while. There are things you can control, but it'll take cooperation.

If your bride is willing to work with you to help make her wishes come true, then you have something you can build on. It's your job to communicate with her and discover those little things. It's a relationship (both business and personal), so you need to treat it like one.

Talk to your bride and take this interview process seriously, and you'll avoid the challenging clients and see all the red flags.

Oh, and one more thing - This also goes for the Mother of the Bride. The bride could be super cool, but if the parents are going to vex you beyond your comfort level, don't be afraid to make the hard choice. This doesn't happen often, but it does happen.

And lastly, if you find yourself feeling like you'd be better off NOT working with a bride or a couple, it's best to say it kindly and honestly.

I recommend taking a day to breathe in and out and think about this time together. If you still feel like you'd prefer not to take their wedding, a simple call or email will do.

"Thank you so much for meeting with me today. Your wedding day sounds terrific but I don't think I'm the right photographer for you. I need to feel confident in everything in order for me to do my best work and given my style and what you've described, I just don't think we'll be a good fit."

You should mention some of your concerns but don't be mean and don't make it personal. Keep it business-like and tell her why your style isn't compatible. This may take some practice in advance, but you'll find the right things to say, and then you can offer other photographers who might be a better fit.

I'll say it again - Don't make this personal.

The bride is doing her best to create the best possible day for herself (she wants to hire you, after all). She's not a Bridezilla every day, just on the day when you're supposed to deliver your very best work for her (no pressure, right?)

Be kind, be professional, and if she's genuinely not going to bring out your best work, do what you feel is best.

But also be very careful who you refer this bride to. The last thing you want is to burn a bridge with a fellow colleague.

But what can you do when you find your bride is actually a Closet Bridezilla? (Here’s an excerpt from Issue #18)

Yes, it does happen. You do your due diligence and despite your best efforts, you find your lovely bride has a bit of a dark side. Don't sweat it.

I can tell you that the best defense against a Bridezilla is a strong and syrupy-sweet offense. Don't go overboard, and don't "act" like you care if you really don’t, but try these.

• Be a great advocate for your bride.

• Be compassionate and assure the bride how good things are going.

• Go above and beyond and fix whatever is bugging her.

• Be the strong and steady one and always remind her, "No matter what, I'll make sure the wedding doesn't start without you" (you can borrow that line).

Believe it or not, this is a way to really gain massive points with Mom and the bridesmaids - By being the coolest head in the room and the most calming person possible.

Everyone sees the little things you do, especially the bridesmaids.

Being comfortable and doing your best work despite personality challenges is just one of the little parts of the "inner game of wedding photography.” THIS is what I write about each week in this newsletter.

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Questions? Shoot me an email at [email protected]